12 Things You Can do Today to Minimize Your Life

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Minimalism is a lifelong journey. It doesn't happen overnight and it requires a change in mindset. Deciding to downsize your life can be overwhelming. The process of eliminating those things burdening you can be outright maddening if attempted all at once. It's an ongoing process with ups and downs just like anything else in life. Right now my upside is that the inside of my home is nearly where I want it and it brings me much more peace. The big downside is that my garage is full of everything I cleaned out of my living space and I either need to hold a garage sale or haul it off before it drives me crazy.

That said, there are simple things you can do, small steps to get you started. The following list is meant to help anyone in the beginning stages of minimalism build momentum and make those first baby steps toward a simpler life.

1. Delete all social media from your phone. Yes, you read that right. We all know it's tempting to take a peek at Facebook while you've got your phone in your hand or upload your lunch to Instagram. Deleting social media will help you focus on the present moment and become more conscious of how you spend your time.
2. Clean out your email inbox. Don't just delete messages, but unsubscribe from all those newsletters that pile up and never get read. If you are like me, you will need to do this in chunks, not all in one day, because I tend to allow my inbox to get overwhelmingly full. 
3. Pick one room to start downsizing. I started with my bedroom. The kitchen is also a good place to start. Break it up even smaller and pick one drawer or one cabinet to clean out. The next day pick another one until you are done and ready to move on to the next room. 
4. Be honest with yourself. I mean, come on, why are you really keeping that thing you don't use or care for? Is it out of guilt? Get rid of it! Especially if it has a bad feeling attached to it.
5. Have a clear vision of the life you want to be living in your head. Do you want to move to a smaller home? Do you want to travel more? What is the end goal or goals? How minimal do you want to go?
6. If possible, get your extended family on the same page. This can be especially hard if you have kids with well-meaning grandparents, or like me, have an ex who inundates his child with toys even though I've talked to him about it. If you can't get them on the same page, you'll just have to resort to occasional purges to get rid of things that the kids are no longer interested in. Luckily, I have a kid open to minimalism as long as I don't touch his Legos.
7. With that in mind, respect the boundaries of the other members of your household. Don't be a jerk and secretly toss your partner's ugly sweater with holes that he really loves. This can be especially hard if you live with someone who leans more toward hoarding. I'm no expert there so I can't offer any advise, but if it's a normal situation and you want to get rid of it because YOU don't like it, just remember it's not yours to decide. My only exception to this rule is broken toys or other items that have become dangerous and/or irreparable.
8. Practice the 24-hour rule when tempted to purchase something you see that you want but don't need. Wait 24 hours, then come back to it. Usually, by then the excitement over the thing has diminished and you will no longer want it. I do this all the time on Amazon. I'll save it to my wishlist and go back to it later to discover I'm just not interested in it anymore.
9. When you do purchase things, buy them to last. It's not only better for your wallet, but also the environment. When you get to that point you no longer need or want it, it will still be in good enough shape to pass on to someone else or donate. 
10. Find like-minded people to support your goals. Follow The Minimalists, No Sidebar, or other minimalist bloggers.  Join minimalist groups. Sometimes embracing minimalism can feel like a lonely journey when the world around you seems lost in over-consumerism. 
11. Learn from my mistakes and don't fill your garage with all the stuff you cleaned out of your living space. Either hold that garage sale or donate it as you clear. If you have lots of stuff, most thrift stores have trucks that will come pick it up free of charge. You truly haven't let it go if it's still sitting around in your garage, even if you don't have to look at it every day. 
12. Finally, don't compare yourself with other minimalists. There is no set number of things you must whittle down to or specific house you must live in. Minimalism is about simplifying YOUR life to make room for the things YOU enjoy, so it's going to be a very individualistic journey.

Minimalism and Scarcity

Minimalism can feel like an abstract ideology to those who don't understand it. It can even be hard to define for people who do get it. But one misconception I see again and again is this idea that minimalism is about living without, taking a vow of poverty, of self-induced scarcity. Minimalism is something much simpler and more beautiful than that.

Scarcity is actually minimalism's nemesis. They are like oil and water. Minimalism is intentional and creates peace. Scarcity, whether perceived or real, stirs up fear. Case in point, about a week after Hurricane Harvey came through Texas it was rumored that there was a gas shortage here in San Antonio. Panic took over and people started lining up at the gas pumps in droves. It was taking hours to get through the line at some stations. People were bringing many containers to hoard gas. Soon there was a real gas shortage. It lasted for several days as trucks had a hard time hauling enough gasoline to make up for the shortage caused by the mass panic.

Scarcity, or the fear of, triggers hoarding.

Minimalism is only about living with the things you need or want, or, as Marie Kondo says, the things that bring you joy and the things you absolutely need. This very open-ended definition can fit many lifestyles from living on the road to living in an apartment in downtown Chicago.

Insist on holding onto your vast library of books? Awesome! Books bring me joy, too. Need your car for work. Of course. I wouldn't expect you to bike 10 miles in the sleet to get to work. It's your choice how you want to embrace minimalism. And that's the beauty of it. You don't have to throughout all of your stuff and go live in a grass hut with one pair of clothes and a notebook and pen..unless you want to.

The only rule, if you want to call it that:

RID YOURSELF OF EVERY SINGLE THING THAT WEIGHS YOU DOWN.

The dusty clutter, the photos of people you don't even remember who they are, the gifts kept out of guilt. Let them go. Look at time wasters, too. I deleted the Facebook app off of my phone because I didn't want myself casually clicking on it when I was out of the house. Clean out your email accounts and unsubscribe from all those newsletters you'll never read. Hang out with people who feed your soul.

Then fill that empty space with more time for family, more money for travel, time to meditate or write that novel. Things that make your heart sing.

Or, leave it empty like a great big blank canvas of opportunity.

It's really your choice.

Oh, and please refrain from judging those who are embracing minimalism a little bit different than you. Or those who don't choose to embrace it at all. We are all doing the best we can with what we know right now. And when we know better, then we may do better.

The Great Purge: Peeling Back the Layers of Over Consumption

It amazed me how much stuff one can own. According to a March 2014 article in the Los Angeles Times, the average U.S. household contains 300,000 items. 47% of all toys and books are owned by children in the U.S., who only make up 3.7% of the children on the planet. It feels like 80% of those toys are in my son's room right now. Ugh. Well, to be fair, it's mostly Legos, but still...

The path to minimalism is a peeling of the onion. Layer one, all the stuff. Step one, the initial purge. This step can be a bit overwhelming. Where do you even begin? My suggestion is to start with the obvious. What stands out as a burden to you? What brings bad memories or sits around collecting dust? Put it in a box and get rid of it. Donate it to a local thrift shop, a homeless shelter, a women's and children's shelter. Hold a garage sale.

My initial purge was brought about by the end of a tumultuous marriage. I got rid of everything that reminded me of his presence. That was a really easy purge, I admit. I had a big garage sale and made enough money to pay the rent.

During the second purge, you will likely dig a little deeper. By this point, there may be some things you have been holding on to that suddenly seem trivial or silly to keep. Why do I have enough wine glasses to throw a party when I am more likely to just have one or two friends over?  What am I keeping this heavy winter coat for when it never gets cold enough to wear it where I live?

Peel that onion back. Peel some more.

The hardest part? Fighting back all the stuff well-meaning people in your life will gift you and (especially) your children during the holidays. If you find the answer to that, get back to me.

I'm in the process of yet another purge. I'm peeling away to get down to the core of what I actually need to own and what I want to keep around because it makes me happy. I've cleaned out a dressing table that mostly served as a place to catch dust, pile unfolded laundry, and just generally gather a messy junk heap that the cat enjoyed pushing into the floor. I have it for sale and I really hope a buyer comes along quickly because it's already becoming covered with stuff once again.

I've purged my kitchen yet again until I'm mostly down to the basics. I am left with one dilemma in the kitchen. I have two sets of dishes. One is a collectible and pretty. The other is basic every day and chipped from misuse. My inclination is to sell the collectible set and keep the set I don't mind getting banged up, but the other set brings me more joy. These are the kinds of dilemmas you will find yourself in as you minimalize your possessions, but don't get stuck on them. For now, I'll keep both and figure it out later.

Minimalizing can take time. Most minimalists don't begin by giving away or selling everything overnight to live out of a bus with their suitcase full of clothes. It's a slow removal of what doesn't work for you. It's a monthly or quarterly or yearly revisiting of the things that surround you, peeling the layers of consumerism that drown our society in too much stuff until you get to the core of who you are and what you need.

Redefining Earning a Living

I've always felt a calling toward creating. Painting, photography, writing. I was always told those weren't legitimate choices. People like to throw out the much overused "starving artist". Then they pick some poor artist or writer who remained unknown until his or her death to use as an example. You'll end up like that, they'd say. So I've always held on to the belief that as long as I pursued these callings I wouldn't make any money from it. And, guess what? I've never really earned any money from any of these endeavors. I mean, yeah, I've earned a little here or there, but not really what I was worth. Because I wasn't expecting to.

Our American society, and perhaps all societies built on similar economic systems, holds that the only worthy way of earning a living is by sacrificing your time and your dreams. It's the American dream you are supposed to be going after. Big house, nice car, pretty things. You get a J-O-B working for someone else at least 40 hours a week. If you are lucky, it's something that both pays well and brings some level of satisfaction. If you are lucky. If not, you slog away your days for someone else just so you can keep a roof over your family and food on the table. In our society it's never been about what brings you joy. It's how much money you make and all of the things that you can buy with that money.

Earn a living. The word "living" should never be associated with monetary worth. That's where we have gone horribly wrong. You earn an income for the deemed value of your work. That value often seems arbitrary to the whims of society, e.g. starving artist.

There is another way.

Minimalism and the tiny house movement are a part of this revolution to rethink and redefine what it means to earn a living. If you have less stuff, you need less money to maintain or replace that stuff. You can work less or chose work not by how much it pays, but by how much joy it brings you. That is liberating, especially for someone who doesn't fit in with this consumerist mold.

Someone like me.

And now here I am J-O-B less. Falling into the same traps. Hearing those old voices. You can't make a living blogging. No one wants to buy your art. The photography market is over saturated. You can't earn a living that way. You need to get a real job. Rent is coming due and you are broke. Get real.

I've given up on those dreams too many times. I quit art school. I stopped painting for a while. I stopped writing, stopped trying to get published. I gave up my photography business because the ex told me I needed to get that "real" job. Start. Stop. Start. Stop.

I'm tired of stopping. I'm angry at those voices. It's time to prove them wrong.

I've read about people young and old who sold everything to live a mobile life. Some earn a living through their computers. Some live off of the funds from selling everything that held them down. I've read about people who live off a small plot of land, modern day homesteaders who need very little from the outside world. There are the urban minimalists who live in small apartments and use their time and money on experiences instead of filling up an oversized house with stuff. These people are truly redefining what it means to earn a living. If they can do it, so can I. If they can do it, so can you.

Embrace your joy and earn a livable income. The two aren't mutually exclusive, contrary to what we've been taught.

21 Day Kindness Challenge

I fully admit I've been struggling. June was a rough month for me. Sometimes when you decide to do something big, fear can grip your heart with some big old ugly claws. I've been stuck inside my head too much, worrying about not being able to cover the bills, taking myself too seriously, and generally falling into a self absorbed funk, which accomplishes nothing towards being able to actually pay the bills and left me feeling highly anxious.

I know I'm not the only one struggling these days, and our current political environment doesn't help. The news looms large with violence and negativity. Our world is a mess.

A couple days ago I watched the video, My Turning Point, by Kristina Kusmic (aka Truth Bomb Mom). I found myself sobbing loudly and uncontrollably. I haven't allowed myself a good, healthy cry like that in a long time. It really hit home. I'll post the video at the end because I want to get to the challenge, but it was something I deeply related to and got me thinking, What is one little thing I can do right now? What am I good at?

I like to think I'm good at blogging. I can use that platform to help others.

So, the 21 Days of Kindness Challenge was born, just a few hours ago actually. Starting tomorrow, July 3, 2017,  I want all my readers to perform one mindful act of kindness every day for 21 days (I will be participating, too) and come back here or to the Hippy Home One Simple Change Challenge Group and share your act of kindness. Buy a cup of coffee for a stranger. Put change in someone's parking meter that's about to expire. Contact that friend you haven't talked to in a while and let them know you are thinking about them. Pick up trash in your neighborhood. Volunteer your time. Reach out to an elderly neighbor. There are so many ways to express kindness that don't involve money. Think outside of the box. And if you are having a particularly rough time, save one of those 21 days to treat yourself with kindness.

Share this post everywhere. Spread the love. Let's see how many people we can get on board. The world needs more kindness and change starts with one small act at a time. With many small acts from many people, amazing things can happen. The world may be a mess, but there is still beauty out there. Kindness and goodness still exist. Let's do this!

Here's the video I promised you. Have some tissues ready.

The Balancing Act of Being Frugal and Enjoying Life

A recent Facebook post by financial advisor, Suze Orman, talked about evaluating your spending habits to find out where you are carelessly spending money in order to reallocate that money to savings, investments, or to pay off debt. The main point of the post seemed to be that there are always little money leaks we can plug in order to put that money to better use. The post was well meaning and on point for most people, but as someone who has struggled to climb out of poverty, I wanted to get the point across that this wasn't a concept that applied to everyone. My first year as a single mom I couldn't risk any frivolous spending. Getting a hair cut, purchasing new clothes, stopping at Starbucks for a coffee were things I simply could not risk spending my money on because any purchases outside of necessities meant I wouldn't be able to keep the lights on or a roof over our head. Even now, I only stop at Starbucks if I have a gift card and I can't even understand how anyone would spend $50 on an item of clothing. For far too many people out there struggling, there truly isn't any way to cut spending, and this is what I wanted to get across in my post. Too many people can't comprehend what it truly is like to be at rock bottom financially.

I agree that even people who are poor can spend their money on bad choices, but for me and many others, we watch where every penny goes. We brew our own coffee, buy clothes from the thrift store, avoid eating out, go without cable. We have already narrowed our budget down as far as it can go. And there is still nothing left over for an emergency fund, let alone investing.

An interesting point came up in the conversation I started, however, that got me thinking. One woman posted how it seemed sad to her that some people on the thread were so caught up in saving money that they missed the joy of going on vacation or other ways of spending their money that might bring them greater happiness. Is there such thing as being too frugal, especially when your income falls below the poverty line?

I watched an interesting speech by Harvard Business School professor Micheal Norton called How to Make Choices That Bring You Sustainable Happiness. You can watch the entire video here. He makes the interesting claim that money can buy happiness if you spend it on the right things, such as experiences or helping others. Even if you are poor. From my experiences I can say he is right on target.

But, wait a minute. How do you balance keeping a roof over your family's heads and food in their stomachs with spending money on experiences or helping others, especially when you are just getting by? Here's the deal. You don't have to spend big. All it takes is a little extra gas money or bus fare to get downtown to enjoy the free night at the museum, or maybe a day at the park, or an unlimited number of other experiences that cost little other than your time and the transportation to get there.

Spending money on others can be as simple as buying a bag of apples to hand out to the homeless or putting a couple extra dimes in a strangers parking meter that's about to expire. Again, it doesn't have to be high dollar to have meaning.

It's scary, though. This spending money on things outside of basic living expenses. When you are scraping by and unsure of how you are even going to make rent, every dime counts. Let me tell you something amazing. Every time I stepped back and spent outside of my comfort level on an experience for myself and my children or helped someone out that needed it more than me, things would alway work out. Always. And because of my choices to find ways to give my children wonderful experiences camping at the beach or roaming one of the local art museums on their free family night, my boys have wonderful memories made in the middle of some dreadfully awful times. To others looking in, our trip to camp at the beach may have seemed extravagant at the time, and maybe even a little risky. But to us, it was worth far more than I spent on the trip. How can you put a price on happiness?

My advice boils down to this: be frugal in the everyday areas of your life. Make due with your 17 year old robe. Drive a used car. Disconnect your cable. Simplify your life as much as possible. But, every once in a while splurge on an experience with your family. Even if it's just going out for ice cream. When you are struggling to get by you get so focused on survival that you can forget to take time to find enjoyment, but if you want to do more than just survive, I argue that being a little irresponsible every now and then is actually the most responsible thing you can do.

The Minimalist Guide to Burning Shit

One thing I had been holding onto as I went through the house purging of unwanted and unneeded stuff was several volumes of journals documenting the years I was with the little one's dad and ending sometime the year after he left us. At first I kept them to search for clues I should have picked up, but missed. Then, it was to form a timeline of events for court. I moved them from the bedside cabinet to a shelf high in my closet. Occasionally I'd leaf through one, but reading them just left me aching and angry all over again. So, they sat there on my closet shelf for months, collecting dust, too high up for me to reach easily.

But this is a year for change, for purging and letting go of all that garbage.

And it was still hard.

I began by ripping the pages loose from their binding into a big pile on my bedroom floor, setting aside the first volume from that very first year. I found the little charcoal grill and staged it on the picnic table outside, along with some matches. I fetched my pile of writings and sketches, crinkling them into balls and tossing them into the grill. Once I had a good pile, I started the fire. I felt almost giddy as I tossed page after page into the flames and watched them burn. Soon I had erased everything but that first year, the first volume, written on delicate pretty paper inlaid with leaves and flowers.

I took one last glance through its pages, sighed, and threw the whole journal into the fire before I could change my mind.

I don't know why it was hard to toss that first journal into the fire. It was full of lies, lies I told myself about how wonderful everything was. But, I suppose it was full of hope, too.

Why am I sharing this deeply personal story here? There is a process to simplifying one's life. First, you begin to see all the possessions you own that you don't need. You will discard old shirts, kitchen appliances you don't use, gifts that really weren't your thing but you were too guilty to get rid of, books you've never read but held onto for years. You will get really creative and toss all the bath products you don't use, candy you don't need to eat, copies of old bank statements. Then, when you have sifted through all of the obvious things that you can get rid of, you will come to the emotional baggage, the old love letters from your first crush, photos of friends who have moved on, and, if you are like me, journals full of stories of your life.

It is going to be a very personal decision for you to discard or keep. Listen to your heart, but be willing to let go of the past. If it doesn't feel right to toss it, hold on to it. You may change your mind one day, but if you don't that's ok. For me, it was time to move on. I'm done. As I told a close friend of mine, I don't need that crap in my life anymore.

Set it on fire. Burn that shit. Eat some chocolate and drink a glass of wine. Then move on. Because life is about moving forward. Besides, you don't need that crap in your life anymore either.

A Minimalist Guide to Simplifying the Holidays with Children

I am going to start with a story about a five year old little girl. Christmas was coming up and money was tight. Her parents didn't want to deprive her or her little sister of a glorious, bountiful Christmas, but they only had the money to get her one gift. A little kitchen set with a pretend stove and a little sink. They placed it under the tree Christmas eve. The little girl's eyes lit up when she came down stairs and saw that kitchen set sitting there. In her joyful little voice she exclaimed, "I got everything I wanted!"

That little girl was my first born daughter. She is now grown with her own son. She may not even remember saying that, but I will never forget that Christmas because her wise little words shined a light on the truth about over consumerism and Christmas. She clearly was not deprived by her lack of gifts. That one gift meant the world to her and to share it with her family was all she needed.

Friends and relatives who do not grasp this, who feel it isn't Christmas unless their are stacks of gifts under the tree, they will be the hardest challenge to getting through the holidays. "Don't you feel like you are depriving your children?" they'll ask. "But part of the joy of Christmas is giving," they'll exclaim, "and I enjoy giving." Let these well meaning folks know they may still give gifts to your children, but to please limit them to experiences or time spent together. Ideas might be a cooking class for your son who likes to cook, a museum pass, tickets to a special event the child can attend with grandma and grandpa. There are endless possibilities and memories last far longer than any soon to be broken toy will.

If they must give a physical gift, guide them toward purchasing something used. Last year I purchased a child sized table and chairs set for my son off Craigslist. It would have cost me a lot more new. I've also picked up books and old record albums at the thrift store. Gifts don't have to be new to be loved and appreciated.

Children love to participate in random acts of kindness, and the holidays are a great time to get your kids on board. Again, the list is endless. Bake cookies together and deliver them to neighbors. Leave random good wishes on windshields. Last year I took my youngest son to a nursing home where he handed out goodies and visited the residents. He and the residents were beaming when we left.

Kids also love to make presents. Some of the things I've helped my kids make in the past are little stuffed monsters, tied fleece blankets, pretty recycled jars filled with hot cocoa mix, and clay ornaments. Guide them on some options, but ultimately if it is their idea they will be more excited about it. Your time is much better spent helping them make these gifts than fighting crowds at the store.

For more ideas on simplifying the holidays with children, I recommend going to The Center for a New American Dream. They have many resources and ideas for a commercial free holiday. They have printable coupons and a booklet full of tips for less stress and more joy. You can also find them on Facebook and Pinterest.

Why I Ditched My Microwave

I had been mulling over getting rid of my microwave for some time when a friend gave me a convection oven. Having very little space in my kitchen, it was an either or position. Either I kept the microwave or ditched it for the convection oven. Here is why I chose the convection oven over the microwave:

More Control Over What We Eat.

I must confess. Our schedule has been very busy. Now that the spring soccer season has started, it has become even busier. It is really easy to slip into filling up the cart with convenience items out of the freezer section at the supermarket, but it is also unhealthy and more costly. Slipping back out of that habit isn't easy and I still tossed in a frozen pizza on my last grocery trip. But getting rid of the microwave provides a chance to take a step back and reassess our eating habits. 

Precooked convenience foods tend to have more sodium than home cooked meals. They also have mystery additives and preservatives that can make one feel like a biochemistry experiment. I avoid eating fast food for those reasons, so why did  I become dependent on prepackaged foods? Taking away the convenience of the microwave, I now can refocus on quality ingredients and pay attention to what I am feeding my family. Yes, it takes a little more time, but to me it is worth it, even when I am feeling zombie tired, which is often these days.

If you'd like to learn more about the biochemistry experiment going on with your food, read this: a-feast-of-engineering-whats-really-in-your-food. 

Disputed Long Term Health Effects

While the radiation given off from a microwave is touted as too low to pose any possible risk, it is a big unknown of what can happen over time with low level exposure. According to some sources, it is accumulative, meaning the longer and more often you use a microwave, the more detrimental the effects. It also appears to change the molecular make up of the food we eat and deplete vital nutrients. 

While trying to get to the bottom of this mystery of microwave safety, I discovered there is a lot of controversy, but I found an excellent article that outlines the way a microwave works and how it can be toxic to your health over time. Written by Dr. Mercola, the article gives scientific sources backing up his claims. 

Embracing Simplicity 

Every choice I have made since becoming a single parent has been about creating a peaceful home environment and simplifying our lives. While exchanging the microwave for a convection oven isn't really clearing any clutter, it does allow me to test out principles of tiny house living before I actually live it. With a small number of people in our household, it is becoming apparent that I can easily prepare our meals without a full size oven. A stove top, a refrigerator, and a convection oven are the only appliances I plan on having when I finally am able to own my small home. 

I have had to make some small changes in the way I cook since ditching the microwave. I think the main use for it was to heat water for tea or coffee or cook instant oatmeal. I purchased a tea kettle. Problem solved. There is something pleasant about putting the kettle on to boil and hearing it's gentle whistle when the water is ready. Even if it is a small change, it evokes larger change toward an unhurried lifestyle that allows time to savor my cup of coffee in the morning. 

Ultimately, getting rid of the microwave was one step toward creating a healthy, unhurried lifestyle for me and my family. I encourage you to consider it.

Why Poor People Making Bad Decisions is a Dangerous Mindset

I am writing this post in response to two recent articles I have seen repeatedly being shared around the internet: This is Why Poor People's Bad Decisions Make Perfect Sense, and The 5 Stupidest Habits You Develop Growing Up Poor. I have taken some time to mull over the content of both articles and waited until the little one was with his dad to sit down and write so I get my thoughts down clearly.

Perhaps it is because I am older, and hopefully wiser. Perhaps it is because I was blessed with a mom, who even in the bleakest poverty, gave her children hope. Perhaps it was the influence of my depression era grandparents. Or maybe it is recognizing the blessings me and my boys received when I was struggling on my own for the first time. But the perspective I have of being poor is so different from Linda Tirado and John Cheese. Don't get me wrong. Being poor is a struggle, but both of these authors perpetuate a mindset about poverty that is dangerous and pervasive in our culture.

I know first hand what it is like being poor as a kid and an adult. I developed pneumonia from living in a damp, cold house way to small for my parents and siblings. My greatest fear was the bath tub falling through the rotten floor when I took a bath. My dad's pay check came through the mail and if it didn't arrive on time it was a challenge for mom to feed us. Often the cars we drove were junkers with doors that had to be held shut with twine or mufflers held up with coat hangers. It was difficult going to school as an adolescent and wearing cheap, outdated clothes. It seemed no matter how hard dad worked we were stuck.

I have also gone without as an adult. Most recently right after my husband moved out on us and left me struggling to get by with two boys. There were times I had to beg to keep the lights on. I had to get on food stamps to keep us fed. Every month was a struggle to pay rent and keep a roof over our heads. I sold what ever I could of value to get by. It felt like I was constantly asking for help. While I am still within the federal poverty guidelines and I still am walking a tight rope financially, I don't necessarily feel poor. In fact I feel quite blessed. Even as I pull on yet another pair of socks with holes in them or shrug off not feeling well because I don't have health insurance.

So, yeah, my credentials are real. I know poverty. It sucks when you can't pay your bills. But justifying poor people's bad decision making is perpetuating the problem. And here is why:

Spending money is about self control

Being poor doesn't justify a lack of self control when it comes to spending money. Far too many poor people do go out and blow their big tax return on things they don't necessarily need and it gives them only a moments reprieve from feeling poor. When you base your spending on making you feel better, if you are poor or not, it is a temporary high. If you are poor, the reality of your situation will come crashing down on you sooner than later. Spending an unexpected windfall is a modern mindset that my depression era grandparents would have shaken their heads at. Our modern disposable, consumerism behavior is detrimental when you are poor. 

I buy all our clothes from the thrift store. I don't remember the last time I purchased new clothes, especially for me. If I want to make a big purchase I postpone it. I really want to get rid of this awful, filthy recliner that gives off bad vibes because my ex loved to regularly take naps there and replace it with a new, colorful side chair. I found a chair I like but I have continued to postpone purchasing it because I can't really justify spending over $100 on a chair when I need new socks, underclothes, and glasses. Having the self control to postpone a purchase on something that falls more into the "want" category than "need" gives you time to assess if the choice is a smart one or not. 

I want to also be a good role model and teach my children that it is important to be able to wait for something they want, that it is ok to not get everything they want. I don't feel I am contributing any more to their happiness by gong on a spending spree with our tax refund and buying them all of the things they are "deprived" of. 

Eating Healthy is Cheaper

Really. It is the junk food that is expensive when you think about it. It contributes to increased health costs and is full of empty calories. While I agree there are "food deserts" in big cities where good quality fresh produce is hard to come by, I must say that the biggest barrier to eating healthy is education. I also think some "foods" should not be allowed as purchases through food stamps. Soda is my biggest complaint. Soda is not a food. I'm sorry if you are a big soda drinker, but it is diabetes in a bottle. 

I just listened to a wonderful story about a chef who gave up his high paying job in a fancy restaurant to work for a soup kitchen. Instead of prepared and highly processed foods he cooks up fresh ingredients, increasing the healthiness of the meals and decreasing the cost per meal. Don't have a lot of time? Use a slow cooker. I love mine. I've seen them sold at my local thrift store. When you get home tired after a long day at work your meal is ready for you. 

The point is, avoid over processed and prepackaged meals. Avoid empty calories and junk food. If you concentrate all your food dollars on nutritional value you will be able to eat healthy on a limited income. Eating poorly is, again, a byproduct of our society which has written that poor people don't deserve good food. Don't believe it. You deserve it as much as the next person. Maybe you can't afford the lobster or to eat out at the local trendy restaurant but you do deserve, and can afford, good food.

And if you didn't already know, some farmers markets take food stamps. You can also use food stamps to purchase seeds to grow a garden. Your local food stamp office should be able to direct you to farmers markets and gardening stores that accept SNAP benefits. 

Mental Health is a Priority

Unfortunately, depression and poverty are closely related. Tirado is correct about that. It can seem like taking the time to care for your mental well being is a luxury when you are poor, but it is as important as eating healthy foods. I keep a gratitude journal. I pray. I rant to a close friend. As a single mom it can be difficult to find time when I am not working to focus on "me time" because my four year old is usually right there with me. Any mom will understand the luxury of going to the bathroom alone. But many things that are good for my mental health involve things I can do with kids in tow. I had the day off yesterday and the art museum waived admission for the day so we went and rode the cool elevators for free. My four year old did slow down to look at the art too but we have taken advantage of many free days and he kept exclaiming in frustration "Mom, I've been here before!" when I pointed things out to him. We then took a walk along the river. Don't fall for the "poor people don't belong here" mentality. Baloney. It's free and open to the public. Check out your local museums on their free days. Go to the library. Take a walk in nature. 

I find the biggest influence on my mental health is showing gratitude for what I do have. Yeah, I have to put off buying new eye glasses a little longer, but I did pay all of the utilities this month. They cut my food stamps (a mixed blessing), but a good friend had us over for a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner. I drive an old car we nicknamed Rattletrap Car, after a children's book by the same name. I still owe over $600 for this car I purchased back in July for $800, but I'm grateful that the person selling it to me is working with me and that I was able to afford to get the inspection and registration up to date, as well as the title in my name. I am grateful that I have plenty of clothes in my closet, and so does my young son. I am grateful that I have a job I enjoy. Even if it doesn't pay enough or cover health insurance. I am grateful that I will be able to work extra hours in the coming weeks. I am grateful for my children, my family, my friends...

I have gone through depression. It numbs your whole world and sucks all the color out of it so that everything is grey and the simplest things seem like climbing dangerous mountains. It does make it hard to think about the future. When my ex left there were times when I was so scared, so depressed, that getting out of bed to face the day felt overwhelming. He wan't helping out financially and the rent was due. How was I going to keep a roof over our heads? I had to ask a friend to help us out with food. But when you feel like this you need to do two things: latch on to something that is so important to you that it is the driving force to life itself (for me it is my boys) and ask for help. There is help out there. If the first time you ask you don't get it, keep asking. Sometimes I had to ask and ask and ask, but my boys became the sole force moving me forward. I was not about to become homeless and succumb to despair. 

You Can and Should Make Goals for the Future

Poverty can feel like a dead end, but it is important not to fall into that trap. It is a hard cycle to break. Hard, but not impossible. Sometimes I do fear I will never experience what it would be like to not worry about having all my needs met or that I'll never be able to pay all those people back who have helped me out one way or another. I fear that I'll always have to struggle. But in spite of, or perhaps to spite those fears, I have made grand plans for my future. Not anything unreachable, and indeed pretty simple by some standards. I plan on getting to a place where I can save up to purchase about an acre of land and build a small 800-950 square foot house on it, as well as a small photography studio. I plan on having a small flock of chickens and a garden. This is my plan for me and my youngest son. I have the floor plan of the house I like posted on my refrigerator where I can see it every day. 

When you are already overworked and underpaid you look for something easy in your life and it can seem that eating over processed foods, not assessing your spending habits, and not tending to your health or your future are ways to make life a little easier, but in reality you are walking into the trap of a mythological mindset that is as dangerous to you as walking in front of a bus. You can make good, responsible choices that are moving you and your family forward, up, and out of poverty. It's not easy. Believe me, I've cried plenty of tears when I had to pay rent late, putting me deeper behind because of the late fee. I've thrown the cheap, over processed macaroni and fake cheese in front of my boys because it was cheap and easy to prepare and I was tired. I've pulled ten hour days at work and sold things I'd dearly like to have back just to make ends meet. But I'm not about to feel like a victim, nor am I gong to let myself feel poor in heart and soul. I have a future and I have choices, daily choices big and small, that impact that future. I'm not about to sideline that future because I'm "poor". 

Live simply. Live boldly. Be humble. Be grateful. 

A Tiny House for A Tiny Life

I have been absent for a while in order to gain my bearings after some not so great changes to my family that were out of my control. When your world is out of kilter, you either let it knock you down or you fight back and make a plan. After eating a quart of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Therapy and lots of hugs from some very good friends, I have formulated a plan.

I have become fascinated with the tiny house movement. Born from this fascination is a desire to build my own tiny home. I am looking at a living space of 400-875 square feet for me and the boys. We don't need much space. The hard part will be saving up to buy the land to build it on. I'm looking at maybe an acre of land southeast of town, somewhere I can keep some chickens, put in some raised bed vegetable gardens, and live a sustainable life with my boys. In time, maybe I can build a tiny studio for my photography as well.

Here are some of my favorite tiny house designs:

The Betty Lu Lu, by Goodfit Cottages and Small Houses, is by far my favorite design so far. The layout is great and the design is just super cute and cozy. You could still have guests over and not feel like they were invading your bedroom. It has a small footprint of 875 square feet, two bedrooms (bunk beds, boys?), one bathroom, a great room, dining alcove, and a tiny laundry room. Just a perfect little house. And the little porch out front, I so can picture myself curled up with a good book and a glass of iced tea while sitting out on that little porch.

At 404 square feet this tiny house, by Tumbleweed Tiny Houses, makes the Betty Lu Lu look like a mansion. It is a sweet little house with a sleeping loft and the option of a bedroom extension. If I am going for a smaller footprint, this just might be the one for me and the boys.

This little number is the work of Tiny Texas Houses. The houses are built using reclaimed building supplies and green building techniques. I am hoping to get out to Luling, Texas to visit Tiny Texas Houses soon. While I am leaning toward more of a cottage design, this tiny house looks like it walked right out of a Texas history book. I am also loving the idea of building my tiny house out of reclaimed/salvaged building supplies.

I am already thinking along the lines of tiny house living and have begun to look around at all of the things that I would need to get rid of to live the tiny house lifestyle. Oh, baby, am I ready to downsize! The hardest will be getting rid of books and getting the boys to let go of some of their stuff. Maybe I can use the money from the sale of some of this stuff to put toward saving for a little plot of land. I really see this as the best way for me to own a home someday while maintaining a simple, sustainable lifestyle.