How To Give To The Poor and How to Receive With Grace When You Are Struggling

This is a long title, but I didn't want to come off as ungrateful towards those who have helped me. Because I am. But there's an elephant in the room when it comes to giving to those who are struggling financially and are at the bottom rung of society's ladder. People, stop donating your expired food out of your cabinet. Quit passing on off-brand junk you wouldn't eat and expect the person in need to feel grateful for it. Be thoughtful when you pass on hand me downs and other items. Please stop giving poor people your trash.

I made up a box of some off-brand mac and cheese someone gave us the other night. My son and I couldn't eat it. It didn't even taste like mac and cheese. Someone else gave us a bag of canned goods, most of it expired. My sweet neighbor recently brought over two boxes of some weirdly flavored soup his mom had picked up at a food pantry to be passed on. 24 cans of it. It's sitting in my garage. It has beef in it. We are vegetarian.

Now, I'm not going to be rude to the giver. That's why I say you should receive with grace. I smiled at him and thanked him for his help and generosity. It's the right thing to do. And there were some items in the box, like snack-sized boxes of raisins, that definitely was a help.

So, coming from someone who has needed a hand up one too many times, I just want to give you some pointers on giving with heart. One, take the time to find out what the person you are helping likes to eat. Include some fresh foods, even if it's just a bunch of bananas. One of the most generous and heartfelt offerings I've ever received was from another single mom who brought me a crate of fresh fruits and vegetables.  If you are buying a couple of items to drop into a food collection bin, buy foods you would want to eat. And for goodness sake, don't go purging your cabinet of outdated food and pass it on. If nothing else, give money and trust that the person receiving will put it to his or her best use.

If you are thinking of passing on used clothing or household items, consider these tips. If it is well worn or has a small stain or tear, don't donate it. I don't mind being given used items that I need that someone else is ready to let go of. When it's in good condition. I've gained plenty of things that I didn't have the money to buy that way. I've also had people pass on their junk to me. Uhm, thanks?

In our society, lower class people are supposed to be grateful for anything they are given. Even if it is worn out, expired, cast off from someone else. But here's what you are doing when you give those kinds of things. You are reminding that person that they are last on the rung. You are telling them that they are less than and ought to be grateful for any scraps they are given. You are in a sense throwing scraps to the hog. You are perpetuating the poverty mindset that is so prevalent in society.

Society says, well if you are really that poor then you'll just shut up, be grateful, and eat it whether you like it or not. Society says you aren't good enough for anything else. Maybe if you worked harder and pulled yourself up from your bootstraps,  you'd be able to eat food that you enjoy and wear clothes that weren't tattered hand me downs. Society says something is wrong with you.

If you are struggling and someone shows up at your door with a bag of food or items they think may somehow be useful to you, say thank you. Be grateful. But it doesn't mean you have to accept their offering if it's something you won't eat or use. Giving and receiving is a two-way street and it needs to be done thoughtfully and kindly. After all, most times they do mean well even if the giving is misplaced.

Basically, dear readers, just be thoughtful in your giving and your receiving. You want your giving to be uplifting to the person you are reaching out to. Not a reminder of how hard they are struggling. If you are receiving, be honest about your needs. You don't have to blindly accept everything that is given to you because society demands otherwise. Let your needs be known. But be grateful that someone reached out to you, and be kind. Always be kind.

21 Day Kindness Challenge

I fully admit I've been struggling. June was a rough month for me. Sometimes when you decide to do something big, fear can grip your heart with some big old ugly claws. I've been stuck inside my head too much, worrying about not being able to cover the bills, taking myself too seriously, and generally falling into a self absorbed funk, which accomplishes nothing towards being able to actually pay the bills and left me feeling highly anxious.

I know I'm not the only one struggling these days, and our current political environment doesn't help. The news looms large with violence and negativity. Our world is a mess.

A couple days ago I watched the video, My Turning Point, by Kristina Kusmic (aka Truth Bomb Mom). I found myself sobbing loudly and uncontrollably. I haven't allowed myself a good, healthy cry like that in a long time. It really hit home. I'll post the video at the end because I want to get to the challenge, but it was something I deeply related to and got me thinking, What is one little thing I can do right now? What am I good at?

I like to think I'm good at blogging. I can use that platform to help others.

So, the 21 Days of Kindness Challenge was born, just a few hours ago actually. Starting tomorrow, July 3, 2017,  I want all my readers to perform one mindful act of kindness every day for 21 days (I will be participating, too) and come back here or to the Hippy Home One Simple Change Challenge Group and share your act of kindness. Buy a cup of coffee for a stranger. Put change in someone's parking meter that's about to expire. Contact that friend you haven't talked to in a while and let them know you are thinking about them. Pick up trash in your neighborhood. Volunteer your time. Reach out to an elderly neighbor. There are so many ways to express kindness that don't involve money. Think outside of the box. And if you are having a particularly rough time, save one of those 21 days to treat yourself with kindness.

Share this post everywhere. Spread the love. Let's see how many people we can get on board. The world needs more kindness and change starts with one small act at a time. With many small acts from many people, amazing things can happen. The world may be a mess, but there is still beauty out there. Kindness and goodness still exist. Let's do this!

Here's the video I promised you. Have some tissues ready.

Common Misconceptions about Minimalism

Minimalism can seem confusing and a bit abstract to those new to the concept. What is minimalism? The very definition of minimalism is fluid, depending on what expert you talk to. To some, it's surrounding yourself with only the things you love. For others, it's a quest to decrease their carbon footprint. For me, it's a combination of things; environmental concerns, a desire for more freedom, and the desire to create a peaceful environment after years of walking on eggshells in a verbally abusive relationship. As I get older, I also realize that I don't want to burden my children with the baggage of a lifetime of my stuff.

Here are some of the misconceptions about minimalism that I have come across that I think need clarification:

Minimalism is only for the middle class and the wealthy.

I'm astounded by the popularity of this belief. People seem to go out of their way to be offended by minimalism, suggesting that it's a form of poverty appropriation. Minimalism, in its fluidity, works at every class level, outside of being homeless. I have lived it. Although it wasn't too difficult for me, grasping on to minimalism kept me from becoming homeless. It doesn't offend me that some wealthy person has decided to downsize in order to leave the rat race and enjoy life more. Why should it? I think it benefits society as a whole.

I shop at thrift stores, sifting through middle class and wealthy cast off's. I have had to put off purchasing new undergarments for myself in order to buy the kid what he needs. By someone's determination, this should make me feel angry. But again, why? The person who donated the Anne Taylor shirt I bought for $2.00 isn't at fault for my situation. Embracing minimalism helps raise people up out of poverty. It is helping me.

You can read more about my thoughts on minimalism and poverty here: Minimalism can help you Break the Chains of Poverty, and here: Why Poor People Making Bad Decisions is a Dangerous Mindset.

Minimalism is About Deprivation 

I think this belief feeds in to the previous belief about poverty and minimalism. Under this misconception, minimalism appears as choosing a life of deprivation, a self induced vow of poverty. But minimalism isn't about deprivation. This belief misses the point entirely. Minimalism is about letting go of the heavy weight that holds you down and embracing what brings you joy. It's about evaluating what you allow in your life and adjusting accordingly.

So many times we hold onto objects with bad memories associated with them or were gifts that weren't really our thing but we don't want to hurt feelings. We fall for the sparkling trappings of the latest gadgets or this season's fashions. We buy storage containers to organize and hide our excessive possessions or drown in clutter because we might need them again someday. Let it go!

Minimalism gives you space to breathe. It's the quiet in a too busy world. Instead of deprivation, you find yourself blessed with the things that matter. Things need care and take up our time. They need carted around when we move and stored when we are settled. Owning only those things that bring us joy or that we find useful ensures we are not wasting our time and energy on stuff that doesn't matter to us.

There is a Magic Number of Items to Own to be Considered a Minimalist 

Like I said before, minimalism is very fluid. It is also very personal. It's less about the number of items you own and more about embracing a concept of joy and beauty. I know without counting that my books alone number much higher than than some minimalists entire possessions. They bring me joy. But I got rid of all the dusty wine glasses that suggested some day I was going to host a rather large dinner party. I kept only enough for a small gathering of friends, which suits my introverted personality better. 

I have a long way to go on this journey. I have been driving around with yard sale leftovers in the back of my Jeep for a month now and I still feel like I have too much stuff that I need to sort through and get rid of. It's an important journey for me, and one I hope will lead to more personal freedom. Your journey is going to be totally different, but that's the beauty of minimalism. You get to define what it means to you.